Louise's Revenge

When I was in high school, my mother met a nice lady through the Pregnancy Resource Center named Louise S--------a. S-------a was a nice Italian named that begged renaming. So I called her Louise Salmonella. My mother was duly horrified, which of course was half the fun of calling Louise that. To this day, I still think of her as Louise Salmonella.

Maybe now I should repent. Because about two weeks ago, Salmonella got me. Not Louise herself, but the dread poisoning that she was named after. It all started with a jar of peanut butter. I like creamy peanut butter on apples. (Ask my family.) So I bought a jar on our last WalMart shopping trip. But every time I had some, I got a stomachache. The first two times I dismissed as being caused by eating too late at night. But the third time was a Saturday afternoon right before a nap, and when I woke up, I felt really crummy! I never get stomachaches from eating peanut butter. (Ask my family.) But this was bum peanut butter, so I took drastic measures. I threw it in the trash can. Wasteful as it seemed, I was not game for more stomachaches.

At some point along the way, I noticed an internet headline that talked about salmonella-infected peanut butter. It crossed my mind that my peanut butter could have been contaminated, but I thought, That's ridiculous; what are the chances? (My family might tell you that I always assume the worst, but in this case it wasn't so!)

Then the plot thickened! Someone here for a music class asked me a couple of days later when I was line running what brand of peanut butter we serve. I told him, "Probably GFS." He was asking because his mother wanted him to make sure that he wasn't eating contaminated peanut butter. Then he told me that WalMart brand peanut butter was on the contaminated list! So I checked it on my computer, and sure enough! I even went upstairs to the trash and cross-checked the batch number, and my peanut butter was incriminated!

So I have been poisoned. Louise got her (temporary) revenge.