Where Beauty Comes From

We've all heard that beauty is cultural. It varies some or a lot depending on context, or even time period. I'm pondering this more since I've determined that it's not a freak thing that people here think I look better with my hair completely covered than with my hair showing. I still don't know that I feel complimented when they tell me so. How can this be? I mean, my identity is what I look like in the mirror with my hair down, right? My identity is who I am at home, right?

What is my identity?

To some extent, modesty is cultural, too. Two nights ago one of my adult male students, around my age, told me, "I don't mind taking you out with my family because of the way you dress." He went on to describe his frustration with tourists who come here and wear shorts. "People should respect the traditions of our country." The following day when I was with his family on their outing, he explained that the black outer dress I wear looks really good contrasted with my white skin. I don't think he was being fresh. I think he was saying, "Our form of modesty looks good on you."

What is my identity?

I don't feel that I have to wear a black dress to be modest at home. I don't feel that I have to wear a head scarf to be beautiful at home.

So why do I do what I do? Do I dress the way I do at home so that people will compliment me? So that they will respect me? Should I dress a different way here so that people will compliment me or respect me? Interesting questions!

I dress the way I do because I respect people. Sometimes that even looks like respecting standards that I don't agree with. Is that hypocrisy? Is it wrong for me to wear a black robe even though I don't believe it's necessary? Is it wrong for me to respect an organization's dress code even though it doesn't reflect my personal standards?

I don't think so. At least, not as long as I can do it from genuine honor for the people around me. If I can't, I'm betting that shows up in my spirit. They can tell that I'm not comfortable, that I'm not being real. So what's real is my spirit more than what I have on.

So what is the real source of that beauty?

It's humility. It's saying,"I'm not always right." It's respect. It's saying, "I'll listen to what matters to you and do that, even if I'm free to do otherwise." It’s comfortableness in who I am—no matter what I wear—confidence that my true identity is in Jesus Christ.

Duh, I've heard this somewhere before:

"Let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle [lit. meek] and quiet [lit. keeping one's seat, undisturbed] spirit, which is precious in the sight of God" (1 Peter 3:4).

So when my friends here affirm me by thanking me for the way I dress, I think what they are really saying is, "Thank you for respecting our idea of modesty. You are beautiful when you do."

I'll take that as a compliment.