Opposites Attract

                                   Two great books to be reading side-by-side! One about preparing for marriage from a conservative Jesus follower's viewpoint—the other about the same, plus finding a spouse, from a progressive conservative Muslim viewpoint. It was a delightful accident that I started reading them both this weekend.

I can’t assess their conclusions because I haven't finished them, but they are eerily similar in polar opposite ways. Pearl tells of one girl who doesn’t know her husband-to-be well, but consents to marry him on faith in his good character and the good opinions her parents have of him. This is more than many believers could swallow. Yet Janmohamed presents a fairly compelling account of the social benefits of arranged marriages (not “forced” marriages, she distinguishes), faith benefits aside!

Pearl's account is illustrated with interesting stories about how to prepare for and trust God with marriage, her own the first. It is trademark Pearl, straight-shooting, tell-it-like-she-sees-it. I do not agree with everything Pearl has ever said or written, but I do respect her willingness to speak what she believes, and I think she often says necessary things that other people won't say out loud.

Janmohamed's account is witty, comical, and poignant as she traces her search for "Mr. Right" within the conservative confines of her faith. I laughed aloud as she described some of the many men who visited her home. I didn't want to put the book down when Sabbath ended and I needed to turn to history reading instead.

I have to point out that Janmohamed's life is far more free than many women who share her faith. So the picture she paints is more rosy than the realities of many Muslim women's lives. Having your parents sit beside you at age 19 as you welcome a stream of eligible men in their 20s and 30s through your London living room is far different than having your father tell you at age 14 that you will marry the 60 year old man because he has promised to pay the family debts. Yet her account shows that there are many, many Muslim girls who choose the route of arranged/guided marriages because they want to and they believe they are more healthy. It also illustrates the family-centeredness of Islam, which can be incredibly positive. It's not unlike the stance that believers who advocate family involvement in pre-marriage relationships take.

Ironically, I'd probably give Pearl's book to my Muslim friends before I'd give it to many of my Jesus-following friends. See, there are believers in Jesus who practice purity and care what their families think about a marriage partner. And it might not be a bad idea for my Jesus-following friends to read Janmohamed's book!